Looking back to the future

The difference between living on and living on.

The old life in Frankfurt with family, company and friends no longer exists for Silke. After her leukemia diagnosis, she decided to fight cancer in Bali, defeat it and continue living. But for that she had to give up her normal life. That sounds logical from the outside. But how painful it is is something completely different. After 17 attempts to explain this, you can listen to Silke today.


What Silke says:

„Good morning from Bali. Glad to have you here. Glad that you are staying.

Wow – approach no. 17 for this contribution, which is very difficult for me. This week I decided to tell you something about me from the depths of my heart – it has something to do with the topic of authenticity, which I find very, very important. Also about the blog and the topic that this is about.

It’s about the days when my life in paradisiacal Bali isn’t easy. Because I am confronted with the fact that my old life in Frankfurt – in the circle of my wonderful family, my super great friends, not only super great… brilliant… I don’t even know what to call my friends… I am simply grateful that I have them, my company, all that I had and still have there – that this life can no longer take place like this. Click on the small arrow to read more     

I have been very much ill, actually permanently, was permanently only tired, had to go to bed every noon at two, because I simply had to sleep 2-3 hours, constantly had a flu-like infection. I simply had no strength, could hardly leave in the evening and was always happy when I was in bed again at ten in the evening. So my life was the last one and a half to two years in Frankfurt. I don’t have all that on Bali. That’s not there at all. I’ve never been sick here before, I only had toothache once, okay. Everything I have here, I have already introduced to you: Fruits, healers, sun, Indian Ocean, yoga – all dreamlike. But what I don’t have here is my family, my old life, my friends – always temporary. And there are simply days – those are the days when I go to the airport and bring my children back – there I become so aware of the force and power of this illness. Because everyone is flying back into their lives and I am staying – in the life in which I am slowly but surely gaining a foothold. A completely new life. That has nothing more to do with my old life – except that I also have my clients here as a medium and that I still have the same name. But otherwise my life today has nothing more to do with the life, which I led still at the beginning of March of this year. But there is no point in thinking about it at all. The most important thing for me is always to take these beautiful moments from the old life and to preserve them and to live on with this strength in this life in which I am here today. That really the dear God has given me wonderfully, because of course it is paradisiacal to live here.

And I have to learn to let go – to think, ‘What are my children doing?’, ‘Hopefully everything is all right’, ‘Hopefully everything will work out in the company.’. …

Of course I work every day, check everything out from here as far as I can. But I also have wonderful business partners who support me. That is a blessing for me. I try to keep in touch with my friends, whom of course I hardly see anymore, and they also visit me here. But when you are so far away from all this, it is clear that you go this way very, very, very alone. Even if I have a lot of visitors and am seldom completely alone here, I am still very alone. And to accept that the old life will no longer take place like this and that I have got a new life within days – with the same name. That becomes already now and then – even exactly on the airport days and in fact exactly when the suitcase is loaded here and it is called for my visit: Return flight – very, very clearly. It is important for me to show you a bit of what the other side is like for me, even if it all brings a wonderful magic with it.

But this spell makes itself felt in my health – and that is the most important thing. I am really extremely fit and I am incredibly grateful about it. If you have been permanently ill for almost two years, constantly lying in bed and suddenly are so fit that you ride your bike over half of Bali, get up for meditation at half past six in the morning and go to bed at ten in the evening without the need to lie down again in between – and have no flu-like infections or anything else in between – then I am very, very, very grateful.

That was a very, very honest, innermost contribution for me today and it was important for me to tell you about it. For next week I have someone whom I would like to introduce to you and who is also very, very important for my healing. I only say: Lotta.

Until then I wish you a wonderful week, whole, whole, very dear thanks for the news and also for the ideas, preparations from gardens and tea’s that I could take. I always find it wonderful to read all this. Many, many thanks also for the questions – great. Also faith questions and all that -I am very, very happy to answer that. Thank you very much for that. Glad to have you here. Glad that you are staying. I’ll stay too.” 




Why the word pity exists.

Jörg comments here.


In a world of self-optimization, pity has got a bad reputation. Compassion, so many say, does not bring anyone anything, it is a feeling with which the other and oneself feel much worse. Shortly after Silke got her diagnosis, I talked to Silke and we discussed what is the worst thing for her now. Her answer was that the worst was that she had to burden her family with the fact that she was terminally ill. So much strength impressed me very much. And the word pity has taken on a completely different meaning for me: In the literal sense it is pity and only those who really love can really suffer pity.

Perhaps this little excursus describes well what Silke was about in her contribution. The pain of being so severely separated from family and friends is great because it means compassion for all sides. At the same time, every dimension of the easily said “Life must go on” is all about that. For Silke in the literal sense. For everyone else in the best sense with the effort to come to terms with a completely new situation, thousands of kilometres away and one’s own ideas of life.

Is that always melancholy? No, not at all. Pity often means simply understanding, listening, cursing, laughing and showing love. It is so easy with Silke that you often forget how sick she is from a medical point of view. And that is beautiful.

For you out there this should be the right motivation to live pity differently. Just as you do: By being here, following Silke’s path, having questions and ideas – by staying!